depreSsiON????!!!!

Don’t know why lately feel very depress and down… Been very bad mood for few days… Always very proud to myself that I is the master of my own emotion… Somehow, this time I fail to control my own emotion… Why???

Yesterday just sitting there did nothing for whole night… Let my mind fly away just like a kite… Hanging around here and there… But the more I am thinking about the reason, the moody I was… Feel really bad… Also don’t know what happened…

Boyfriend some more in Swiss now… Suddenly feel very angry at him…. I sent so many sms’s to him, but didn’t get any reply from him… Maybe that was one of the reason I feel very moody now… He always likes to break his promise… Told me that want to send sms to me at this time, but he didn’t!!! I felt really angry…

Talked online with my friend via ICQ… Told her about my depression and my angry… I asked her opinion if it is a better way if I beak up perhaps temporary with my boyfriend for a moment?? Her answer was NO NO!!! She said how can treat my boyfriend in this way?? Maybe I should talk to him over my unsatisfied towards him and tell him my feelings… I felt a bit released after I talked to her… But still the depression still there… I still couldn’t sweep away my depression… I really don’t know how…

I have made up my mind to talk to my boyfriend when he comes back… I hope everything will fine for me… I suddenly feel bad and pity for my boyfriend… All these time, he has to put on with my bad temper and moody attitude… But he still patience with me… Still talked softly to me even if I shouted loudly to him… Thinking of this, I felt little bit more better… =) My friend was right… I should have seen all those good things that he has done for me… But not keep on looking those small tiny bad things as the excuses to hate him or dump him… It’s really a bad thinking…

After all, it’s my own feeling and depression… Maybe my depression might cause by him, but still for me, he always the best boyfriend that I have ever have… I should always appreciate him as my dear one…

All of the sudden, I feel the world is beautiful…. =)

sWisS hOuses...

sWiSs tRip~~
Originally uploaded by sharonkee10.

A 'stand alone' house in Swiss... Plus the nice fence surround it... Isn't it nice?? =)

sWiSs tRip~~

sWiSs tRip~~
Originally uploaded by sharonkee10.

My boyfriend travels a lot lately... Especially these few months... This month he already traveled to Swiss for 2 times already... A nice trip... I might say that... Coz I was not following him together... He took several photos back from there... Scenery there very nice, and in peaceful... Hardly can see people walking around there... Houses there are 'stand alone' type... Not sticking to each other like in Malaysia... And there are many greenish scene...

I heard from my uncle that Swiss is the most peaceful country in the world... No wonder from the pictures he has brought back didn't see any people around... :P Some more, according to what my uncle has heard from his friend, Swiss people there very concern about those Human's Rights... They are not allowed to wash their car during weekend as this can disturb neighbor's peace, not allowed to sleep late in the midnight (have to sleep early), etc... Very much rules there... Else if you might get the chance of being sued by them with the reasons that you have disturb their life’s peace... We might think it as some funny rules, but somehow it really happens there...

So Malaysia is always the best one huh??!! One of my friends who went to study at UK there told me that the people there especially those local people there are not really friendly to those outsiders... He said Malaysia is still the best one... Perhaps it is the country where we have born and been raised up... That’s why we all will still miss our own hometown even if we are at far... =) Somehow, we should appreciate that we are living in such a peaceful country with quite ample freedom...

Hand phoNe number ChanginG !!

I changed my hand phone number today… Why change hand phone number? Many friends asked me back when they got my sms or emails telling them about my new number… I just smiled and didn’t reply… As I knew the reason hard to be explained to them…

There are several reasons I wanted to change my hand phone number… But one of the primary reasons is I tired of some nonsense sms from one of a guy (whom is my admirer) that never understands that I have a boyfriend already…. Who would wait for a non-returning love? I guess he is the only one… Sent me sms once in a while telling me that how he missed me… Felt pressure all the time every time got his sms… How would I do only can make him understand that love cannot be forced? And furthermore I already have a boyfriend… 3 years of love… I really don’t know what I shall do to make him forget about me… Oh God please help me!!

That’s why I decided to change my hand phone number… It seems like I am escape from the problem, didn’t have the courage to face him and tell him the truth… But I already very cruel enough to tell him that I never love him… Even if I give him supports all the time every time when he is down and loose self confidence… But those are not couples love… I only do what I can to help him… Sigh … I might not a perfect girl… But I never understand what makes him so love me…

Sorry for everything… I hope someday you can understand and let me go… I sure you are able to find the happiness that you have hoped for in your life….

lovE mE, loVe me NoT???

lovE mE, loVe me NoT???,
originally uploaded by sharonkee10.

When I was chatting online in the ICQ with one of my friends today, he told me that he still LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!! NONO!! How can it happen? I already have a boyfriend for almost one year already... The worse thing is that he already has a girlfriend, almost same time to have her as his girlfriend after I announced to all my friends saying that I have a new boyfriend... Almost one year... Is not a long time, but yet it is not a short time... I suddenly realized that he has a girlfriend but loving another girl at the same time... How sad it is... :'(

I was so shocked until I starred at my LCD for several seconds... The words appeared on the screen, make me shocked... How can it be??? Since last time, I never know that I loves me before... All the helps he has given to me, all those things that he has done for me... Every time I asked why did he treat me so nice, he only told me, "I am the kind of person who likes to help people around.. So please don't take this personally and fallen in love on me... For this moment, I am not thinking I want to have any girlfriend yet..." A very simple answer, but yet it has a lot of hidden meaning in it...

Until today.. I only got knew that he has loved me a year ago... One year!! He told me that those things he have told me because he didn't want to let me fallen in love so easily on him because of all the things he had done for me... He wanted to be friend with me first... He wanted to get know more about me first... But then when the new semester started, when he started to buried himself in toned of schoolwork and assignments... He said he had totally forgotten about me... Not even contacted me for a simple greets... Until the moment I told him that I have a new boyfriend already... Then only he felt that emptiness... Then he only knew that he has lost the chance to tell me how much he loved me... All the regrets and sadness came at the same time...

I couldn’t think properly... All things happened in the sudden... The truth just suddenly pops in front of me... I couldn’t accept this... I always thought that after one year, the love will fade away if the waiting returns nothing... But the reality was not... I was totally wrong… He really loves me... HOW HOW?? The first things was playing in my mind was how do I talk to him to let him let go of me? Furthermore, he has a girlfriend already... Sadly to say, if I ever knew that my boyfriend still loves another girl when he is my boyfriend, my heart will be broken into thousand pieces... Never can be easily to be mended... I couldn’t imagine if someday I can meet with this kind of situations... But inside my heart I pray hard...

I talked to him for quite a long time... Luckily in the end he said he will learn to let me go... Else I will feel guilty inside my heart that I already indirectly hurt his girlfriend... I pray hard for her, hoping that her boyfriend someday will realized her good and treat her nicely with his all love...

Love is such a strange thing... But somehow, I realized that it does hurt someone deeply sometimes if we never learn how to let go of it when it is fade...

Let me pray hard for all the couples in this world... May their love blossoms with happiness...